Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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