apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
