It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
