is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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