How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
