i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
