I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
