Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
