yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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