what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
