He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
