We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
