I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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