u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
