And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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