I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
