this just has baby written all over it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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