I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
