My sheets look like a crime scene.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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