i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
