I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
