Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
