Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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