Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
