I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
