just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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