Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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