im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
