boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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