That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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