No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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