k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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