You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
