Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wear drunk well.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
