In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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