so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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