I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
