I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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