i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
