Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
