Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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