The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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