Sponge bath it is.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
