the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize