Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
