I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
