im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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