How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize