I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
