I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
