I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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