Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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