just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
