she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize