He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
