I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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