The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
