Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
