Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
