Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
