WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
